laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

Moderators: ashman, poshnipper

Post Reply
daib0
Posts: 2121
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 27 Aug 2019, 23:39

poshaussie wrote:
27 Aug 2019, 21:04
daib0 wrote:
27 Aug 2019, 12:02
tonyp wrote:
27 Aug 2019, 10:05
A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

A: a woolly jumper!
:lol: You must buy the same Christmas Crackers as Tony and I buy!
:roll: :roll: :clap2: :clap2:
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 28971
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 06 Sep 2019, 09:45

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

No sun.
The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

daib0
Posts: 2121
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 06 Sep 2019, 13:56

Young boy: "Dad, what fun does a priest have?"
Father: "nun...."
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 28971
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 13 Sep 2019, 19:44

My Dad's advice some years ago;

"If you get into a fight in the pub, put a snooker ball in your sock"

Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk!
The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20088
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 14 Sep 2019, 09:50

bristleposh wrote:
13 Sep 2019, 19:44
My Dad's advice some years ago;

"If you get into a fight in the pub, put a snooker ball in your sock"

Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk!
:lol:
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 28971
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 16 Sep 2019, 16:15

Does anyone know how long you cook those boil in the bag fish?
They don’t give instructions at the funfair.
The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20088
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 16 Sep 2019, 21:51

bristleposh wrote:
16 Sep 2019, 16:15
Does anyone know how long you cook those boil in the bag fish?
Yes.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 28971
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 03 Oct 2019, 10:21

I love hunting in antique shops for old French chairs with lacey edging to the upholstery. I think it’s the frill of the chaise.
The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 28971
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 03 Oct 2019, 11:06

Quiz! Mary has 4 bags of crisps & 3 bottles of wine. She swaps 1 bag of crisps for 2 Snickers & one bottle of wine for 2 cans of lager. She buys 3 donuts & 4 chocolate eclairs. She eats them all except 1 donut, which she swaps for a Mars bar. Why on earth is she wearing Jeggins?
The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20088
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 03 Oct 2019, 11:14

bristleposh wrote:
03 Oct 2019, 11:06
Quiz! Mary has 4 bags of crisps & 3 bottles of wine. She swaps 1 bag of crisps for 2 Snickers & one bottle of wine for 2 cans of lager. She buys 3 donuts & 4 chocolate eclairs. She eats them all except 1 donut, which she swaps for a Mars bar. Why on earth is she wearing Jeggins?
Because she can't spell Jeggings (even if she meant to wear Leggings).
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20088
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 03 Oct 2019, 11:17

bristleposh wrote:
03 Oct 2019, 10:21
I love hunting in antique shops for old French chairs with lacey edging to the upholstery. I think it’s the frill of the chaise.
The reason you think that is because it IS the frill of the chaise.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

daib0
Posts: 2121
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 03 Oct 2019, 13:57

Man walks into a dentist & says “I think I’m a moth”.
Dentist says “You need a doctor not a dentist”.
He says “I know but your light was on”
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
ashman
Posts: 18046
Joined: 07 Aug 2005, 08:51

Re: laughs of the day

Post by ashman » 03 Oct 2019, 14:03

daib0 wrote:
03 Oct 2019, 13:57
Man walks into a dentist & says “I think I’m a moth”.
Dentist says “You need a doctor not a dentist”.
He says “I know but your light was on”
..... so why do moths hide away during the daylight hours and come out when it is dark? Brainless insects! :roll:
'Everybody needs to have a friend'

User avatar
poshaussie
Posts: 67
Joined: 21 Aug 2019, 20:49
Location: Tanah Merah Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by poshaussie » 07 Oct 2019, 08:32

daib0 wrote:
03 Oct 2019, 13:57
Man walks into a dentist & says “I think I’m a moth”.
Dentist says “You need a doctor not a dentist”.
He says “I know but your light was on”
:clap2: :lol:
Born and bred in Queensland
Queensland - Beautiful One Day, Perfect The Next

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 28971
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 20 Oct 2019, 22:01

How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?

Steven.
The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

Post Reply