laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 29 Mar 2020, 00:06

diab0 wrote:I'm giving up drinking for a month.

Sorry, bad punctuation.

I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.
:stupid:
Last edited by bristleposh on 29 Mar 2020, 09:23, edited 1 time in total.
When you are dead, you don't know you're dead.
It's difficult only for the others.
It's the same when you are stupid

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tonyp
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Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 29 Mar 2020, 01:29

bristleposh wrote:
29 Mar 2020, 00:06
:stupid:
Image

Sorry bad wording.
I meant "you" not "I"
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 11 Apr 2020, 21:22

Gilbert o Sullivan was in the bank
After he left the manager asked the cashier what he wanted

The cashier replied "a loan again, naturally"
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

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tonyp
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Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 12 Apr 2020, 08:53

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch, I guess."
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 12 Apr 2020, 12:32

boom boom
When you are dead, you don't know you're dead.
It's difficult only for the others.
It's the same when you are stupid

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tonyp
Posts: 20499
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 14 Apr 2020, 23:05

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk in to a bar.

The rabbit says to the barman 'I think I might be a typo'.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

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bristleposh
Posts: 29614
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Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 17 May 2020, 10:25

I went to see that new Elbow tribute band called Arse?

They're so good you can't tell them apart.
When you are dead, you don't know you're dead.
It's difficult only for the others.
It's the same when you are stupid

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