laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

Moderators: ashman, poshnipper

Post Reply
User avatar
ashman
Posts: 18694
Joined: 07 Aug 2005, 08:51

Re: laughs of the day

Post by ashman » 28 Feb 2020, 14:17

'Everybody needs to have a friend'

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 30151
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 01 Mar 2020, 19:27

So I was in the chemist and I said to the assistant “What gets rid of coronavirus?”

She said "Ammonia cleaner."

I said "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

daib0
Posts: 2174
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 02 Mar 2020, 15:05

Keighley police are hunting a woman known as the 'knitting needle Nutter', who has stabbed 16 people in the backside with a knitting needle in the last two days.
Chief inspector Malcolm Ballcock thinks she may be following some sort of pattern...
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

daib0
Posts: 2174
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 04 Mar 2020, 14:22

Billy and Mick were walking past the grave yard when Mick says "flippin hell Billy theres a fella here was 152 when he died!"

"What's his name?" asked Billy.

"152 ... Miles From London"
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

daib0
Posts: 2174
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 04 Mar 2020, 15:14

I was attacked last night in the street by a bloke with a power tool, there I was just minding my own business then... BOSCH!
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20801
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Tanah Merah, Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 17 Mar 2020, 21:23

I went to the doctor yesterday. He said "You're overweight".
I said "I want a second opinion".
He said "OK You're ugly as well"
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

daib0
Posts: 2174
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 17 Mar 2020, 21:35

tonyp wrote:
17 Mar 2020, 21:23
I went to the doctor yesterday. He said "You're overweight".
I said "I want a second opinion".
He said "OK You're ugly as well"
:clap2:
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

daib0
Posts: 2174
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 26 Mar 2020, 12:58

Ordered a chinese last night. Little chinese driver comes to the door and I walk out to meet him. He shouts "isolate, isolate". I say, "mate calm down, I only ordered half an hour ago."
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
ashman
Posts: 18694
Joined: 07 Aug 2005, 08:51

Re: laughs of the day

Post by ashman » 26 Mar 2020, 13:06

daib0 wrote:
26 Mar 2020, 12:58
Ordered a chinese last night. Little chinese driver comes to the door and I walk out to meet him. He shouts "isolate, isolate". I say, "mate calm down, I only ordered half an hour ago."
Very good! :clap:
'Everybody needs to have a friend'

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 30151
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 26 Mar 2020, 14:23

👍
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

daib0
Posts: 2174
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 26 Mar 2020, 15:46

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.

She went from Barking to Tooting in 40 minutes.
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
ashman
Posts: 18694
Joined: 07 Aug 2005, 08:51

Re: laughs of the day

Post by ashman » 26 Mar 2020, 16:25

daib0 wrote:
26 Mar 2020, 15:46
I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.

She went from Barking to Tooting in 40 minutes.
Even better! :clap: :clap2:
'Everybody needs to have a friend'

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20801
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Tanah Merah, Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 26 Mar 2020, 21:22

daib0 wrote:
26 Mar 2020, 12:58
Ordered a chinese last night. Little chinese driver comes to the door and I walk out to meet him. He shouts "isolate, isolate". I say, "mate calm down, I only ordered half an hour ago."
Image
Asians Strike Back: A Coronavirus Comedy & Science Show
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20801
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Tanah Merah, Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 28 Mar 2020, 10:02

Image
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

daib0
Posts: 2174
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 28 Mar 2020, 21:04

I'm giving up drinking for a month.

Sorry, bad punctuation.

I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

Post Reply