laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 27 Aug 2019, 23:39

poshaussie wrote:
27 Aug 2019, 21:04
daib0 wrote:
27 Aug 2019, 12:02
tonyp wrote:
27 Aug 2019, 10:05
A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

A: a woolly jumper!
:lol: You must buy the same Christmas Crackers as Tony and I buy!
:roll: :roll: :clap2: :clap2:
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 06 Sep 2019, 09:45

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

No sun.
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 06 Sep 2019, 13:56

Young boy: "Dad, what fun does a priest have?"
Father: "nun...."
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 13 Sep 2019, 19:44

My Dad's advice some years ago;

"If you get into a fight in the pub, put a snooker ball in your sock"

Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk!
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 14 Sep 2019, 09:50

bristleposh wrote:
13 Sep 2019, 19:44
My Dad's advice some years ago;

"If you get into a fight in the pub, put a snooker ball in your sock"

Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk!
:lol:
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 16 Sep 2019, 16:15

Does anyone know how long you cook those boil in the bag fish?
They don’t give instructions at the funfair.
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 16 Sep 2019, 21:51

bristleposh wrote:
16 Sep 2019, 16:15
Does anyone know how long you cook those boil in the bag fish?
Yes.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 03 Oct 2019, 10:21

I love hunting in antique shops for old French chairs with lacey edging to the upholstery. I think it’s the frill of the chaise.
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 03 Oct 2019, 11:06

Quiz! Mary has 4 bags of crisps & 3 bottles of wine. She swaps 1 bag of crisps for 2 Snickers & one bottle of wine for 2 cans of lager. She buys 3 donuts & 4 chocolate eclairs. She eats them all except 1 donut, which she swaps for a Mars bar. Why on earth is she wearing Jeggins?
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 03 Oct 2019, 11:14

bristleposh wrote:
03 Oct 2019, 11:06
Quiz! Mary has 4 bags of crisps & 3 bottles of wine. She swaps 1 bag of crisps for 2 Snickers & one bottle of wine for 2 cans of lager. She buys 3 donuts & 4 chocolate eclairs. She eats them all except 1 donut, which she swaps for a Mars bar. Why on earth is she wearing Jeggins?
Because she can't spell Jeggings (even if she meant to wear Leggings).
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 03 Oct 2019, 11:17

bristleposh wrote:
03 Oct 2019, 10:21
I love hunting in antique shops for old French chairs with lacey edging to the upholstery. I think it’s the frill of the chaise.
The reason you think that is because it IS the frill of the chaise.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow - Albert Einstein

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 03 Oct 2019, 13:57

Man walks into a dentist & says “I think I’m a moth”.
Dentist says “You need a doctor not a dentist”.
He says “I know but your light was on”
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ashman
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by ashman » 03 Oct 2019, 14:03

daib0 wrote:
03 Oct 2019, 13:57
Man walks into a dentist & says “I think I’m a moth”.
Dentist says “You need a doctor not a dentist”.
He says “I know but your light was on”
..... so why do moths hide away during the daylight hours and come out when it is dark? Brainless insects! :roll:
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poshaussie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by poshaussie » 07 Oct 2019, 08:32

daib0 wrote:
03 Oct 2019, 13:57
Man walks into a dentist & says “I think I’m a moth”.
Dentist says “You need a doctor not a dentist”.
He says “I know but your light was on”
:clap2: :lol:
Born and bred in Queensland
Queensland - Beautiful One Day, Perfect The Next

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 20 Oct 2019, 22:01

How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?

Steven.
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

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