laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

Moderators: ashman, poshnipper

Post Reply
User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 30177
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 29 Mar 2020, 00:06

diab0 wrote:I'm giving up drinking for a month.

Sorry, bad punctuation.

I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.
:stupid:
Last edited by bristleposh on 29 Mar 2020, 09:23, edited 1 time in total.
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20826
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Tanah Merah, Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 29 Mar 2020, 01:29

bristleposh wrote:
29 Mar 2020, 00:06
:stupid:
Image

Sorry bad wording.
I meant "you" not "I"

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20826
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Tanah Merah, Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 11 Apr 2020, 21:22

Gilbert o Sullivan was in the bank
After he left the manager asked the cashier what he wanted

The cashier replied "a loan again, naturally"

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20826
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Tanah Merah, Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 12 Apr 2020, 08:53

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch, I guess."

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 30177
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 12 Apr 2020, 12:32

boom boom
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20826
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Tanah Merah, Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 14 Apr 2020, 23:05

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk in to a bar.

The rabbit says to the barman 'I think I might be a typo'.

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 30177
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 17 May 2020, 10:25

I went to see that new Elbow tribute band called Arse?

They're so good you can't tell them apart.
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 30177
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 29 Jul 2020, 11:52

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said “no”.
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

daib0
Posts: 2174
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 29 Jul 2020, 12:18

bristleposh wrote:
29 Jul 2020, 11:52
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said “no”.
sorry pal, I don't get it!
must be gettin old!!!
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 30177
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 29 Jul 2020, 14:37

Must be getting old myself if I need to explain my jokes. The square root of 81 is 9 german for no is 9
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

daib0
Posts: 2174
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 29 Jul 2020, 16:57

bristleposh wrote:
29 Jul 2020, 14:37
Must be getting old myself if I need to explain my jokes. The square root of 81 is 9 german for no is 9
ah, OK! cheers!
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 20826
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Tanah Merah, Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 01 Aug 2020, 09:47

:?:
That's not even funny.

dstern841
Posts: 1
Joined: 15 Aug 2020, 11:38

Re: laughs of the day

Post by dstern841 » 15 Aug 2020, 11:40

I went to the Video Shop the other day. I said, "can I take out Batman Forever?"

They said, "no, you have to bring it back tomorrow." :D :clap:
US Travelers check mandatory information required for applying Sri Lanka Visa for US nationality holders here.

daib0
Posts: 2174
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 15 Aug 2020, 13:14

haha!
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 30177
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 25 Oct 2020, 18:46

I went in the attic the other day, to get the decorations
and I found a Christmas present that I meant to give to my daughter a year ago.
It's a shame I forgot about it, she always wanted a puppy
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!

Post Reply